After Christmas

Its been along time that i didn't update my facebook. Erm..Christmas was Fun..Seriously its better then last year. Way better.. =) hmm...Anyway, New Year is coming up. Any plans?? Don't know yet.. Anyway, I miss my friend MANDA! miss hanging out with her. Even the rest of my FRIENDS!! ='( *sob2*... 


-News-


School is starting next year. I think I'm going back to school on the 5th Jan. ERmm. Well, I'm going to meet all of my friends. But, Zal my close friend is not going to join us.. next year.. OUR final year in school. I'm going to miss her damn much..!!! seriously I am going to miss her! It's sad to see her leave Kuching. But its for her future..So, Im prove of her and i will always support her no matter what. =(
Well, that's life.. =(  Anyway, I can't stop here.. life has to move on..


-Single-


Okay, now...today... I am single already. I'm single already for few weeks.. Erm..I've been trying to move on.. I want to move on. I really do want to move on. But I just can't.. Honestly, I still "Love" him.. I actually still have feelings towards him. But I just can't move on with the relationship we had any more. I don't believe in this Love thingg any more..Honestly, I'm kinda scared to feel the hurt-ness again. I just don't want to face the pain any more. Its hard to believe it, but even I can't believe it too.. I mean, I just don't believe in "Love" the feeling and all that. I can't seem to find my happiness. Right now, I'm still finding the path that I want for my future.. That's all.. I'm so so sorry if I ever hurt the ones I love. ='( 


HAHAHA! I don't even know why I type this.. Its so CHILDISH! ARGGHH!! 
Okay, Guess that I better stop now then.. haaa...

Back home

You You You You You You You..

I don't know, all i can say is YOU?
Erm. I'm being speechles.. Just got back from KL? I mean today i arrived Kuching around 5 something. My brother waited for me an the airport..

Moving on..

Erm.. My mum nearly cried when she hugged me.. haha! she didnt show it to me but, you know.. you can see it through her eyes.. haha.. but anyway, I'm happy to be home.

Flightless Bird

I was a quick wet boy, diving too deep for coins

All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys

Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair

Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found you

Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth

Big pill looming

Now I'm a fat house cat

Nursing my sore blunt tongue

Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks

Pissing on magazine photos

Those fishing lures thrown in the cold

And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you

Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth

Big pill stuck going down.

I love this song. I discover this song from Dawn Sara.  I don't get the meaning of this song but the tune of this song is very nice. I like it very much.

Haha. I seriously don't get this song actually. This song is one of the soundtrack from the movie "Twilight".

For Once

Just move on with your life please. I'm telling you properly. Talking to you properly. Please don't make me HATE you like hell?!?!? Are you still in Kindigarden?? Until you don't understand what am i saying to you?
You're just making your self look stupid. I'm just telling you nicely for this time. Don't la push to the limit.. Please i'm begging you. My feelings change towards you already. You can't force people to love YOU right? You can't force ME to love you right? Please.. I'm asking you nicely..

You think you can treat me this way? The way you used to treat me? Come la. I'm not scared of you at all. You hurt me, your not going to see my face anymore. Stop making yourself look like a fool!
From way i'm thinking right now. You're so childish. You want to hate me for doing this to you. Go ahead. I don't mind. As long as i'm not in the relationship with you. Then i'm happy with own life being single. =D

pictures..

Well, this are the pictures about my cousin TIM.. haha.. 

Great 'Cousin'

Haha.. Tim is a great cousin. Well, odviously he pick and send me back home all the time.. Only if we go out together with his friends and mine too.. Hahah.. He is always there for me and my friend. For example at the 7eleven.. Hahah. Don't wanna talk about it. So funny and scary! yeah. I'll upload his picture later. =)

Tim looks gay.. Haha. Sorry Tim if you're reading this. Later i'll uplaod you and your gay partner. All right?..
but when it comes to relationship problems? He will be EVERY emotional.. seriously I'm telling you.. But what can I do. That's the Tim i know. Anyway, hope that he could find a girl who love him seriously and sincerely..  =)

I think that's all. I'm just bored. So, I'm writing just just to kill my time. I CAN'T SLEEP! =( don't know why too..

Kays, that's all.. I'll upload his picture later.. =)

(12.24 a.m)

Chilling..

On the 8 December my cousin *tim*, Dawn and I went to airport to meet my cousin's friend who is working at the Star Bucks. Anyway, our journey started with my cousin pick me up at home around 7.15. *I think* then after that we pick dawn up at her house. I guess that she was bored while waiting for me to pick her up.

When we were at the airport, Tim went to look for his friend at StarBucks. Me and dawn went to KFC and have our dinner.. YUMMY! After few hours of chit-chatting. Me and dawn went to meet my cousin at StarBucks.

This are some pictures that we took when we are there at StarBuck the whole night. =D

THE END!

My Trip to Kampung with Dawn Sara.

I went back to my dad's kampung on Tuesday, December 1st.
Yeahh.. Its all right. =) Meet my aunty and cousins plus uncle and my grandmother. She's actually sick. So that's why my dad and I went back to Kampung. Beside that, my aunty from Saudi was here. She came with her husband who is a Dutch. Yeap2.. Get merried with a Bidayuh lady. LOL! haha..

Anyway, here are some pictures that I took while I was there with Dawn. Anyway, we did enjoy ourself. *i guess*. In the middle of processing by taking pictures, Dawn's camera batt died! So sad.. Anyway, hope you enjoy.. =D

fun.. fun.. fun..

SOrry for the blur-ness.. Its my phone. The cam sucks during night time. Sorry..

owh owh owh..

Hello, yesterday was the 4th dec. I slept over at dawn's house. Well, we have a amazing night and day.. It was absolutely great!! Haha. Since I can get to do what ever i want to do.. I will upload the pictures tomorrow. I'm kinda lazy want to take out my memo card in my phone. I'll upload it tomorrow all right. No worries yea.. hehe..

Just Smile.

Having nothing..

You're lies are all Bullshit..!

I love you so much..

I can't move on any more with our relationship..

I don't to have a broken heart in the future.. I know it hurts to let go..but I must try.

I must try.. I must make my heart strong enough to let you go...

ITs working..

step by step..

YOU deserved a better girl for you. Just not me.

I know how hurt it feels.. but, this is what it called 'LOVE'

'LOVE' does cost pain.. its the matter of fact that you know how to take good care off it..

I'm truly sorry for everything..

100% in love turns too 0% if love..

I'm truly sorry..

I don't want to play the broken hearted girl..

No.. not any more..

Part 1..

Its been 3 hours that he hasn't called or text me. So sad. I'm just waiting for him to text me. That's all. I feel so lonely now. I don't know what else to do. Erm, Tv and Leptop will keep me awake. Hehe.. I miss him so much. I really do. I don't know why he hasn't answer my call. Why? That's the thing i don't get it. 
What is he doing? when he doesn't answer my call?? hmm.. *wondering*.. 


Anyway, I'm watching some lame stuff. What's the tittle again..? "The Scorpion King" .. Argh.. Gosh! so boring.!! There's nothing else to watch. There's no good movies tonight.. hee.. Before that, around 7 something just now, I was watching this movie called, Butterfly something-something.. Its quite meaningful though.. haa.. Its about this husband and wife trouble something-something. That the wife cought her husband cheating on her or something. Yeah.. Its slightly about that. =) I know it sounds stupid and lame. But yeahh.. 


Waiting... Waiting.. Boring.. 


Where the hell is he?! I miss him.. I do!!!

Updating.. =D

Yesterday had a fight with Jas.. isshh!! fuck Him! I don't know why.. but he make me soo fucking fedup..
Eventually, I hate him and i Don't. But well, nothing's perfect in the world.. All i got to do is just be petient with his FUCKING attitude!

Anyway... moving on.. feeling *hungry*..  so hungry.. but mamy wouldn't let me eat.. :'( yeap yeap.. *tahan jak lah*..
I'm here sitting here at my mum's office doing nothing but blogging and facebooking.. What else can i do??
Honestly speaking, I'm so so lazy to update my blog.. :'( seriously..But anyway, i've got nothing to do.. so, its better to update my blog.. huhu!

I can't wait to step into the reload shop and top up my creadit. :'( no creadit.. no creadt.. no creadit..no creadit.. so sad.. Yesterday, I ask my mum to top up for me but she say, "use your own money!".. =( so mean.. hehe.. yaa yaa.. hopefully i can top up by today! I can't live like this!! NO CREADIT??!!?!?!?

to be continued...

Untitled 2

There's nothing much to say here.
I'm speechless.. 
How long we can go like this? 
1 month? 2 months? 
well, I don't know..seriously.. I don't.. I miss hanging out with you.. I miss talking to you honestly.. But what can I do?  Every time i think about it, I'M SO F HURT. I don't know why.. But anyway. I just want to say the things that I can't get to say on our last day of school is, HAPPY HOLIDAY!! Take care and have fun!

Loyalty is falling into history..

Loyalty is a strong word. Loyalty among friends..

Its very hard to find true friends now a days, because at this age or at this stage we manage to experience many kinds of friends in this world.. 

I used to have lovely friends.. I really do. Even now, I have my lovely friends with me. I even love them for who they are. But its not easy to love a friend when you know that they turn you down or turn you in when they are in trouble. Is it me? Not knowing the true meaning of *True Friendship* or is it that person? How can we tell?? 

Its not easy to tell when you know that person for like a few weeks or days. But we can get to know when our friendship is really deep (as in friends). Knowing each other for like YEARS! People can change, even friends do change. From my point of view, i experience many different kinds of friends i have. But eventually some friend do not appreciate the things that we do or done for them. That's why its best that we just let go them to stop hurting myself. Some friendship can be save in a way that we try to understand each other more and not forgetting who we are inside.

Every time I do always ask myself, am I worth to you? (as a friend) O.M.G sounds so lesbian.. ha ha..  anyway, I just hate it when friends treats you like shit. I don't want to give you face any more. I've tried my best to makes things better. But sadly, you just don't realise that any more. I realise it LONG TIME AGO. But i kept quite because i know that i'm not wrong in that kinds of way. You yourself know your own mistakes. 

Stop pretending like every things okay for you and me, for her and you and me. JUST STOP EVERYTHING. If you want to say anything, just say it RIGHT now?? what's the point you keeping it inside, and pretend like everything's so way cool and has no mistakes in it?.. Well, relationships, friendships etc has their own mistakes. Why bother keeping it inside. I really do hope that you realise this for a long time that I've been avoiding you both after since i found out everything. I don't know why. Every time when you both are there, its like i'm not on the same pages as you guys any more. I started to hang out with different people, you guys started to hang out with different people. But HYE! I don't regret it that i brought every thing up from the beginning, because if i have not brought up every thing, well, I would not know the different side of you. 

Right now? its lucky that you have someone to love, someone to be with even though you fight all day long, even though its hard to understand him.. but be thankful that you have him in your life. No matter how bad or mean he treated you, you are lucky? Me? what do i have? Friends i love? 20% only.. Boyfriend that i had? 20% in only.. Me and him are friends.. but we both agree to try to work it out..  because we still love each other.. so, why don't me and him try to work things out right? Sometimes its hard to let you all know because maybe some of you would not understand the feelings. 

Well, some of you are miss perfect STRONG. haha.. I'm just saying it.. 

Anyway, it involves with TWO person here..I just don't understand you both that's all. 

Just stop talking about others. I know i may let you down in different kinds of way. But i still treat you in a sincere way. I just want you to know that, if i had enough you all this, i wont give a damn any more. That's all..

You may think that C is being sooooo way fucking nice to you.. but please, as your friend. Just be careful with letter C, because you might never know that she's talking about you too. But if letter B don't realise it, what can I do?.. 

Letter C should stop all the pretending. Your so annoying. I know that you want to get attention. You can have all the attention around you if you are being original. I'm thankful to have friends like you guys form the beginning, helping me when I'm in trouble. Helping me when I'm facing money problems. But hey, I'm here to help you too.. 

But first, you need to help yourself.

That's all. Don't fool yourself or lie to yourself. Just be truthful. That's all. In the end, it will turn back to us. *No meaning* hahah..  what I'm trying to say is don't lie to yourself. That's all. You keep things inside? Not being honest with yourself, how to work things out? i've told you before already, if i know its my mistakes, i will say sorry on the spot. But when i know its not my fault, i will wait until you confess. But since you think that your right, well everybody things that they are right.. ha ha.. 

Up to you la okay. I can't force you to say it. Its up to you to think its right or wrong. But you know it yourself through your heart. That's all.

P.S : FORGIVE ME FOR MY MISTAKES. WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. 

Untittled 1

Alphabet and voice seem

inadequate speech for the soul.

How can mere words express

intent and regret,

heartbreak and hope,

prayer and praise?

I struggle to the rest knowing that

You see my heart, Lord,

knowing all that I am and am not.

Yet the unformed words sigh within.

Then in Your Psalms I find You

speaking to me and for me,

laying bare my unfiltered heart

in Words of Living Truth,

and my soul has found its voice.

I found You in the Psalms

And You found me.

Tomorrow..

Tomorrow is going to be a new day.. Just now, before my mum, my uncle and I went for our dinner, we had a little prayer with my sick aunt before she goes to bed.. anyway.. I prayed too.. was feeling nervous and speechless.. anyway.. moving on.. while i was praying, i cired!!! can you imagine that..
hmm. i felt soooo sadd for my aunty.. i really pity her.. My uncle was crying too..

After we prayed.. My mum send my aunty back up the her room where me and my mum slept... Tomorrow its a new day for all of us. Where else my aunty is going for this healing secsion 2 tomorrow. We all pray and hope that she will get better.. anyway, i believe in God's miricle.. i really do..

Eventhough we don't really have faith in us sometimes.. i believe in God's hands.. hmm.. I'm speechless now.. I don't know what to say or write.. All i know that my feelings now is like very confuse and scared.. I'm scared and I'm not ready for all this yet.. (you get what i mean) but no matter what i will just have to face it.. If it happens, maybe God thinks that my aunty is ready to go.. :'( i dont't want that to happen!!!  i seriously DON'T want that to happen.. but what can i do?? it is part of life..
Everyone have to go through with DEATH! you know what i mean????

Again..

Okay, my uncle had just arived here in KL..
Well, seeing tears again and again.. I HATE IT! Seeing tears every where makes me very sad..
I just don't want to cry and let it out.. Erm.. its very sad to see them crying, im just speechless..
It happens all the time..

Yesterday, my cousin called from NZ, she's my aunty's daughter. Well, i over heard their conversation.. Erm.. Well, both of them were crying on the phone. I was just guessing.. but its true that they were crying..

Well, i didn't want to continue listening to their conversation.. but, what to do.. I just want to know whats happening.. Eventually, I'm a busy body girl.. hehe. But anyway.. Thank God that my uncle had a save flight to KL from Kahzattan..

I'll continue to keep my fingers cross and hope that everythings going to be okay.. :'(

Quiet Time..

Lord Jesus, when You were

in this world You walked

a balanced way,

sin;ess among sinners -

giving Yourself away

without coming apart -

living before the Father in

humble confidence -

shouting Your holiness in

whispers of love -

pushing through the agrony to

the joy set before You.

Oh, how i need Your grace to

walk as You did,

ever poised and balnaced with

one foot on earth

and the other in heaven.

Amen.

Fashion Icon!!!

Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Manroe!!!

I love the both of them.. I just love their styles!!

They look so classic and hot and beautiful and etc.. ahaha..

Love them alot!

i don't know why, i just love looking at them and the way their style were..

Marilyn Manroe..

The End!

Fuck those shitters!

For those who are reading.. hmm.. sorry for the broken english.. =(

Jaik la aku tok??! tauk la you ppl are SOOO fucking perfect.. well, please check YOUR LIST which is YOURSELF.. at least I'm not fucking backstabbers like you guys! Stop talking about others when you know you are one too!
Just stop pretending like everyting's okay.. well, its not because you are two sided faces!! Fuck you man!! Well, odviously you talked about other.. well, don' forget you are like one too!! HAHAHAHA!! Don't think that she's got your back when you don't even know that she's talking about you too!! hahah. well, done! sooner you will see the real side of her and you will be hurt like how i am hurt. Then you will be calling for me.. 100%!you guys are so mean! VERY!! hahaha! you won't find a friend who is loyal to you guys in this world.. well.. now i know the real side of you.. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! HAHAHAHAH!

SOme of you will think its stupid to write this, but hye! im bored! hahah.. and i just want to let this feeling out beside letting it out to my mum.. haha! =D

In God's hands..

Arived in KL around 1.30.. Thank God that my mum and I had a save flight here.. 

Anyway, moving on.. as soon as my mum and I arivied at my aunty's house, my mum start to cry..  she's very sad about my aunty's condition.. 

My aunty is very sick. Sick as in she's facing 'cancer'. I just found out this morning where the doctor says that its got to do with the brain and the lungs. My aunty face breast cancer years ago. That was like 9 years ago i think. Yup. She face breast cancer 9 years ago and suspected that the cancer cell has activated again.. so, when we arived at my aunty's house, there were few friends of my aunty were there to help her around the house.. i felt pleased that they are willing to help my aunty. 

When my mum saw my aunty.. She quickly put her beg now and hugged my aunty.. My mum was crying and my aunty was crying too.. As for me, i did cried but it just couldn't let it all out..but.. i did cried.. I felt so sad and sorry for my aunty.. She is still thinking wheater she wants to go for kemo or i don't know.. (I DON'T KNOW)..

Honestly..i've lost one aunty from Canada where she faced cancer to.. so, I just have tobe ready facing this one.. hm.. anyway, it is in God's hand..Hope that she will be okay..

Love Drunk

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover

I love you forever, forever is over

We used to kiss all night, now it's just a  fight

There's just one thing would make me say
I love you forever, but now it's over

All the time I wasted on you
All the bullshit you put me through
I'm checking into rehab 'cause everything that we had
Didn't mean a thing to you

The End

Mandy's house!!

Today was a fun day!! haha.. i didnt went to school today! consider it (escape)
haha.. me and manda plan not to go to school today..so lamme.. haha. cuz going to school when exams OVER is ssooo major boring!!! sitting down in class, gossiping, all i can do is just SLEEP!
which i did it eveytime when im bored!! but anyway, yea. when to manda's house this morning. My mum send me there when she's on her way to work...yaa.. i called manda like arounf 7.06 a.m when she is still asleep.. ehhe.. SORRY MANDY! yaa..
i guess she didnt realise that i think.. ??  =/ anyway... when i reached at mandy's house we ate our breakfast.. yummmyy!! i didnt actually eat.. just drink plain water and *i don't know what's that thing called* hahha.. ya.. thenn.. mandy's sister ash join us.. we watched EMILY ROSE!!!OMG! haha .. its not that scary actaully.. ermm. i want to say it scary also, but its not that scary..ermm. i guess maybe becuase i watched it with my friends.. yaa..after that.. hanging around laughing at ashley "ha ha" doing some stupid stuff, trying to act 'HAWT" *no comment* hahaha.. yaa. so, i really had fun today..

The most interesting part was that i fall asleep!! hahahaha! while me and mandy was watching confesstion of a shop sumthing2.. thennnn.. i fall asleep. ehehe i was so sleepy.. !! then i woke up like aaa.. ?? ermm.. 4.30 like that i think.. haha. didnt look at the time.. after that, me, mandy and her sis.. we just hang out.haha, disturbing each other..especially MANDY!! OMG!! SO DANGEROUS!!! hahaha!

Dear Him

To my beloved "him",

I just want to let you know that i really do miss you alot..

Alot as in, really really really alot.. You can't stop me from missing you like crazy right..

So, I want to take this time here to tell how i feel towards you..

How i miss all your touches, your kiss, everything that remaind me of you!

Why? i really do miss you? Why does our relationship turns out this way?

Why. i'm trying my best to be strong.. strong enough to take the pain away from this misery..

In a day..

hye!! ermm.. around 4.30 p.m i went to the gym with my mum..

trying to stay fit.. hheh..becuase i dont want to keep my new size! DUH who wants!

anyway. after the gym, went to SHUSHI KING at Boulavard!

heheh.. yummy yummy!

i force my mum to bring me there and eat shushi!! miss it sooo muchh!!

Anyway.. after finish eating shushi, i went to "famous amous" (if im not wrong the spelling is spelled like this)

bought the sour ribbon.. hahha. yummy! thanks to Dawn for intro "sour ribbon" to me.. hehehe..

Sunday sunday sunday!

Erm... Sunday.. Sunday... 

its 3.39 p.m yummyy.. 

just finish eating.. which was my lunch! 

hehe. curry chicken... yupp yupp.. yummy..

mushroom soup!!! 

hehehe..

This morning went to church.. damnn.. woke up like very fucking early!!! 

really really.. aaarrr.. just feeling so lazy... hahahah..

im actually bored right now.. 

watching HBO.. i don't even know what's the name or the tittle of the movie.. some Dan Dan thing.. 

hehe. anyway.. i'll be back later...

Am i still in Love?

oohh myy..

DAmnn.. Can you see how HOT is he!!

GOSH!

AAAAAAaaaaaa!!

I'm dreaming about him!!

Hot Hot HOt HOt HOt!!!!!!

SOrry.. I'm bored right now.. and its like 12.47 a.m

and guess what.. i have to go to church the next day!

another AAAAAaaaaa..!!!!

i have to wake up like.. ermm. 7???!!!

HELP ME!!!

i miss you!

Why am i feeling this way??

Do you know that im missing you badly that i don't even want to admit that

i really miss you!

I DO!!

argh!! why is your name spining in my head every second.. im trying my best to forget you! why!

hmph.. as time passes fast.. or slow.. i just want you to know that i really do love you..

'LOVE' is a strong word you know that..??

hmm. but anyway. about this feelings i had for you for a long time.. i will always keep it in here.. "in" (heart)

yea.. this love is unperfect!!

no matter what, my heart is no longer here with me..

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high

It never would have worked out right, yeah

We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know

It doesn't matter where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on

So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder

But I know that you'll find another

That doesn't always make you wanna cry

It started with the perfect kiss then

We could feel the poison set in

"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so

I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know

It doesn't matter where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on

So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone

You can't make it feel right

When you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone, already gone

There's no moving on

So I'm already gone

I'm falling in love with Anna Sui's Perfumes!

ANNA SUI PERFUME!!

its so cute!

Anna Sui Dolly Girl

isnt it nice..

others..

i can spot my perfume here. hehe..

THE END!

sorry if its dull..

i've got nothing to do...